Time Out

One week down, and one real night out with only soda and cran. I made it through sitting at my two usual bars, on probably the most annoying night of the year (ie fratboy central, or Dec 27th). All of my friends are really supportive, except for one person who started making an obsession out of it. "Why aren't you drinking?" "Why are you sitting at a bar and drinking WATER?!". Um, because I WANT to?! To cut a long story short all I have to say is, yes I will not be getting black out drunk and going home with you tonight. Or ever again! Because you just proved to me that your maturity level is way lower than I even dared to think it was. Out of my life. NOW!!!!! Sobriety is a good way to weed out all those non-friends from your life. I must say that this week Tracy and Harry showed me even more than usual how good a friends they are to me. I love them.

I'm at my mum's with Beth until tomorrow. I just went to the mall with Karli - two hours was enough for me, especially when some Disney radio show started its broadcast. I'm a city girl through and through, but I love the fact that my mum lives right by the ocean, with phenomenal views and complete peace and quiet. A gorgeous house surrounded by water, stars at night, and wildlife. Named "Rehab Central" by my mum :)

I'm putting Operation H (Rockstar 2) into effect. Something dawned on my cloudless mind this week. No more men who use me like trash, or who just don't appreciate me the way I should be, or need to be. So I shall be single until someone who meets H's potential comes along. I just don't want to even think about H himself cos I just wouldn't dare to believe that could happen.

Awful.

This is so bad:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/12/27/pakistan.bhutto/index.html

I don't have much to say right now but I am so sad that they finally managed to murder her.

See my mum's post about here too - she heard her speak a few years ago:

http://alisontoon.blogspot.com/2007/12/benazir-bhutto-assassinated.html

Of sobriety and gingerbread lattes

After an eventful night on Sunday when once again I woke up at home not remembering a thing from the past 6 hours, accumulated with the fact that once again I felt terrible and the fact that Tracy told me that people were beginning to worry about me and that when I blacked out I wasn't Jade anymore I decided to stop drinking for a while.
Nothing. Certainly NO vodka. But also no wine or beer or ANYTHING. Something flipped in the past few months - I have blacked out 4/5 times I have been drinking and I have been LUCKY I have people around me who care about me. I don't really care if I have made a fool of myself, I just care about the fact that I have made people WORRY about me. The way I used to worry about some of my friends. The way I promised myself I would never ever ever get.

So, sobriety. It's not even daunting - actually exciting. There are so many things I have neglected in the last 6 months that I am prepared to get back into again. My writing for one. Reading is another. All those plans I have been thinking about but never acting upon. I don't want to stop going out, but will go out sober. My friends are all with me which is a great feeling. And those of you who prefer blacked-out drunk Jade... Well you didn't really know me at all anyway.

I had a wonderful Christmas at Mum's. I got so spoilt with a ton of things that I can use and that I have wanted/needed for ages. I ate so much and rested and thought about a lot of things. I love my family so much. I just wish Dylan could have been there.

I just had my first gingerbread latte of the year - and probably my last. I can't afford much at the moment!

xxxxx

Happiness is back!

I figured out an agreement with my landlord's attorney. I stayed in one night last week and realised how much I loved my apartment and how much I didn't want to give it up. I've worked soooo fucking hard to give it all up. I really want to kick myself right now for being such an idiot - but as my Mum says, sometimes you really need to hit rock bottom in order to climb back up again. Even work is more manageable and I have so many fun and interesting projects outside of work in the pipeline. Sooo I have an agreement to pay everything off by Jan 31st. I am going to need a second job in order to do this...
I love being busy, I love having multiple things to do. I hate being bored and sitting at home wondering who I should call. I've never been like that and I am not going to start right now. Burning the candle at both ends is my thing - I just need to know when to chill out so that I don't collapse.

Happiness Happiness Happiness!

Can't wait to see Paradox Twin in a bit. It's been too long. And Combat Baby later at the show. No fail evening again I hope! I am so proud of Combat Baby and my mix while DJing at The Skinny last Tuesday - I think it was our best ever. Who's up for a whole night of Motown now??