An unprecedented day in the history of the USA. I am SO proud to be living here right now!! His speech was awesome - and now it is time to make a change. After 8 years of Bush we NEED changes, and Obama brings hope, not only to this country, but also to the rest of the world.
I loved the fact that my whole office was crowded round television sets, and you could hear a pin drop it was so silent during the speech.
2009 is going to be a year of big changes, personally for myself, as well as in the world. It feels good.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Sweet Surrender
Day 11.
Positive things: I feel great. My skin is beginning to glow again and I have more energy. I think this all comes from the combination of not drinking, getting more sleep and eating better. And, of course, not constantly working 15 hours a day. I feel more productive at work too, a lot more motivated and positive.
No negativity.
Difficulties: leaving my friends at 10pm last night, knowing full well they were all staying out to have fun - it was harder than I thought it would be, so I just listened to Calla on the way home, and once I was there I felt a lot better. Nothing can beat Tim Buckley, a good book, my bed, ginger tea and Luna :)
So I am feeling a lot happier and more positive already. I promised the girls that I would get a therapist, and I will. There re too many issues I have kept too far inside and haven't dealt with properly. BUT I need to do it on my own time. People don't understand that I have actually dealt with clinical depression for so many years that I don't remember when it started. Sadly this is often a hereditary affliction, and I don't want to be on medication for the rest of my life. Sometimes I fix it by curling into myself and becoming anti-social. Other times I tend to drink until I forget. Other times I channel it and use it productively. I need to learn to do the latter, because the self-destructive attitude just plunges me into deeper pits and doesn't really solve anything.
Winter is tough in New York, especially January. It's freezing cold, always dark when you leave work and pretty depressing. I want this January to be different, I want it to mean something. Change? Definitely.
I miss Dylan already :(
Positive things: I feel great. My skin is beginning to glow again and I have more energy. I think this all comes from the combination of not drinking, getting more sleep and eating better. And, of course, not constantly working 15 hours a day. I feel more productive at work too, a lot more motivated and positive.
No negativity.
Difficulties: leaving my friends at 10pm last night, knowing full well they were all staying out to have fun - it was harder than I thought it would be, so I just listened to Calla on the way home, and once I was there I felt a lot better. Nothing can beat Tim Buckley, a good book, my bed, ginger tea and Luna :)
So I am feeling a lot happier and more positive already. I promised the girls that I would get a therapist, and I will. There re too many issues I have kept too far inside and haven't dealt with properly. BUT I need to do it on my own time. People don't understand that I have actually dealt with clinical depression for so many years that I don't remember when it started. Sadly this is often a hereditary affliction, and I don't want to be on medication for the rest of my life. Sometimes I fix it by curling into myself and becoming anti-social. Other times I tend to drink until I forget. Other times I channel it and use it productively. I need to learn to do the latter, because the self-destructive attitude just plunges me into deeper pits and doesn't really solve anything.
Winter is tough in New York, especially January. It's freezing cold, always dark when you leave work and pretty depressing. I want this January to be different, I want it to mean something. Change? Definitely.
I miss Dylan already :(
Sunday, January 11, 2009
I am so happy for Karli - she has been in California for a few days on vacation and seems to really want to move back there again. She got back together with Morgan after 3 years apart, and they really seem to want to make a go of it again. Marriage, kids and all the rest of it (I am assuming there must be life after marriage and kids?!). Good for them. It's good to see Karli settling down and being more sure about what she wants from her life. I think California was always her favourite place to live anyway, and she finally feels like she is back home again. I will miss her when she moves back though - and she is taking Fury with her!!! I will miss Fury terribly and I am sure Mum will even more. Must remember never to take Mum to an animal sanctuary again... Until Fury goes with Karli anyway.
Dylan is here!! It's so lovely to see him after over a year now. Yesterday Mum and Dylan came to Brooklyn early and we went into the city for brunch at The Hummus Place in the East Village. Beth and I had Shakshuka (perfect winter food, especially when you are walking around in the cold snow)! Then Mum, Dylan and I made our way over to Myers of Keswick in the West Village. I needed Golden Syrup for the gingerbread I am planning on making today. We walked round Soho for a bit but it was cold and icky out, so we walked along my usual stomping ground (aka Ludlow St) and got the J back to my house. Michelle came over to meet Dylan and we sat around drinking tea and chatting.
For some reason there is one train to Mastic at 2pm and then NO OTHER train until 7:41pm on Saturdays. What if you want to go home at 4pm? Something should be done about this! We got the 7:41 train back to Mum's.
I am planing on making gingerbread and flapjack today :)
I haven't had a drink for 8 days now. It's easy to do when you don't hang out in a bar. All of my friends are being really helpful, by setting up plans in other places than bars, going out for dinner, coffee etc. I have the best, supportive friends. I feel this is going to be a big, and important change in my life. When I am depressed and overworked I find it easy to drown myself in vodka to feel better. But I have been so emotionally unstable for the past 4/5 months that I just end up being angry, or an emotional wreck. I need to control that, and more importantly, get it sorted out. I promised my 6 closest girlfriends (Meg, Beth, Yam, Dana, Hannah and Michelle) that I would start therapy again, just to help me accept a few things that I have never got over. Therapy never worked before, but I promised I would try...
In the meantime, I am planning to take classes with Dana and Rosie (creative writing, dance, kickboxing...), and spend a lot of weekends at Mum's, until I feel I can be around people and things that get me down and not let it affect me.
Things are looking up. 2009 is going to be the year that 2008 should have been in my life.
Dylan is here!! It's so lovely to see him after over a year now. Yesterday Mum and Dylan came to Brooklyn early and we went into the city for brunch at The Hummus Place in the East Village. Beth and I had Shakshuka (perfect winter food, especially when you are walking around in the cold snow)! Then Mum, Dylan and I made our way over to Myers of Keswick in the West Village. I needed Golden Syrup for the gingerbread I am planning on making today. We walked round Soho for a bit but it was cold and icky out, so we walked along my usual stomping ground (aka Ludlow St) and got the J back to my house. Michelle came over to meet Dylan and we sat around drinking tea and chatting.
For some reason there is one train to Mastic at 2pm and then NO OTHER train until 7:41pm on Saturdays. What if you want to go home at 4pm? Something should be done about this! We got the 7:41 train back to Mum's.
I am planing on making gingerbread and flapjack today :)
I haven't had a drink for 8 days now. It's easy to do when you don't hang out in a bar. All of my friends are being really helpful, by setting up plans in other places than bars, going out for dinner, coffee etc. I have the best, supportive friends. I feel this is going to be a big, and important change in my life. When I am depressed and overworked I find it easy to drown myself in vodka to feel better. But I have been so emotionally unstable for the past 4/5 months that I just end up being angry, or an emotional wreck. I need to control that, and more importantly, get it sorted out. I promised my 6 closest girlfriends (Meg, Beth, Yam, Dana, Hannah and Michelle) that I would start therapy again, just to help me accept a few things that I have never got over. Therapy never worked before, but I promised I would try...
In the meantime, I am planning to take classes with Dana and Rosie (creative writing, dance, kickboxing...), and spend a lot of weekends at Mum's, until I feel I can be around people and things that get me down and not let it affect me.
Things are looking up. 2009 is going to be the year that 2008 should have been in my life.
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