Thursday, November 29, 2007

Silence is sexy

I haven't updated in so long and I don't even know where to start now. I feel this is the first day in a long time that my head is actually clear. Yes I stayed in last night and passed out. For 10 hours straight. I DID put my alarm on because I had promised to go and see Distortion DJ in Brooklyn. I didn't even hear it. If you don't include this weekend the last time I had a full night's sleep was last Weds? I can't even remember. Actually last night was the first time I had slept in my own bed in over a week. More about that later.

My moods have stabilized again. For now. I can't predict anything yet because I am still drinking just as much but I don't feel so severely depressed anymore. After the whole pills episode I think I realised that I still wanted to be around for a while. But now I have started to face reality again and it's not very pretty at this moment in time. I haven't paid my rent for 3 months and am probably going to get evicted. I'm not even that worried about it because I can't afford the apartment anyway... I love the place but am hardly ever there and I'm beginning to realise that I can't live alone at the moment. I go out because I want to be around people, my friends to be more exact. I want to party constantly and have fun. It stops me from thinking about how much I really really hate my job and the only reason why I am still doing it is because I don't have a green card and I can only work here on my visa.
And I have medical insurance and a regular paycheck. I want to go back to bartending again - the money is much better and at least I enjoy it. I love DJing too. I don't want to stop going out because that is when I'm happy. So the plan is to use going out and earn money from it in some way. Getting paid to have fun - now that would be awesome. I now just need to focus on finding a way.

Tuesday night was so much fun DJing with Combat Baby. She's awesome :) Tonight Mr Deuce Deuce asked me to bring IrockIroll and our ipods to Midway and relieve him from DJing for a while. So we will be ipod battling tonight - it was great last time and this time we will be a little more prepared, and maybe a little less drunk. Maybe.
Last time I introduced IrockIroll to the goth world. I took her to a Blacklist show that was held in the basement of a warehouse in Tribeca (the bar was 3 types of liquor and poured straight into plastic pint glasses with a couple of ice cubes). The show was awesome as usual - can't wait til the next one on Dec 21st. We had to leave before the end because I had promised Mr Deuce Deuce I would turn up and relieve him. Another band played before Blacklist, with a girl singer. They weren't bad at all but I cannot remember their name. Will have to look it up.

A lot of other things have been happening to me, things that I don't really want to talk about right now because they are good things in general and I just don't really know what I actually think and feel. I prefer not to describe and wait and see. maybe next week...

Ahhh... I love my friends. I have the greatest in the world.

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