Ramblings: Just a Walk in the Park...

Memorial Day weekend always reminds me of moving to NYC – the heat, the humidity, the laziness of the first holiday of the year since New Year’s Day in the middle of the bustle and noise of everyday life. Subsequent years bore beach days and hungover days; brunch times and walks in the city;  Long Island days and barbeques in Bushwick. Every year I longed for Memorial Day weekend to arrive so that I could celebrate the beginning of summer, my real favourite season in NYC. This year it crept up on me, my first Memorial Day as a family: a day where no one needed to work, a day to spend together as we see fit, no plans, just mother, father and baby time.

Nowadays it’s really just the simple things that matter: a walk in the park, watching the turtles watching you with their little heads sticking out of the water, looking at the squirrel scampering away with the acorn in its mouth, relaxing on a blanket under a tree and closing your eyes. Choosing a pretty spring outfit for yourself and your daughter, knowing full well that she doesn’t care if you are in a dress or pyjamas, or if she is in a onesie or a dress, but doing it anyway because it is fun and because you can. Walking along the sidewalk as a unit, mother, father, daughter, altogether as one, making jokes and gazing at the pretty houses and gardens, imagining together what our next home and garden will look like. Tickling your child under the chin with a blade of grass and listening to her laugh and hoping that you will hear that beautiful sound every day, forever.

Flushing ended up being a good choice for us, because despite the commute into Manhattan, it really is beautiful here. There are parks and gardens and trees and flowers everywhere and a happy alternative to the race of the city and all that it entails. As I was walking around the neighbourhood yesterday I realised just how much every single priority had changed for the better. A walk in the park is just so much more enjoyable now, as are all of those little things that we take for granted most of the time, the turtles and the squirrels and the naps in the grass, the smell of concrete after a rain shower, and the lilac bushes in bloom on the street corners. I guess this is what my real happiness is…

Photography: Luna Marlena's First Month

  

 

 

The full set of all the photos can be found on my Flickr page HERE. I obviously couldn't post all 300+ of them here! 

I can't believe that it's been five and a half weeks already! On one hand it really feels like yesterday, on the other I feel like it was so long ago and I have always held my daughter in my arms... She's growing so fast! I am trying to take every day as it comes, as I know that with every day come changes and new things that she will do to make us smile and laugh (and sometimes cry), and with that I constantly have my camera and phone on hand to take photos and document everything. She's getting all little baby chubby and it's so adorable!

We are finally coming to a point where she is sleeping better at night (better being the defining word - she now wakes up to be fed and will go back to sleep again, once, if we are lucky, but usually twice a night). This means that I am getting about 5 to 6 hours altogether now as opposed to 1 to 2. I have to make decisions on what to do when she is sleeping during the day: shower, do the dishes, eat, update my blog, clean the apartment, read a book, sleep... And it usually ends up with me doing something for myself. I have to keep apologising to my apartment for not taking care of it as well as I should. Everything in it's own time, we will get to a point of ultimate efficiency (or not, as long as we are all happy - a little dust on the bookshelves never hurt anyone!).

I still spend time just staring at her gorgeous little face and kissing her forehead and thinking about how lucky I am - and I doubt that this will ever change! She has already blessed me with her first smile (and yes I did cry), and now actually talks to me in coos and grunts and little squeals. And she still screams when she's not happy, most of the time because I am not holding her. We already have a Snugli carrier, but she gets a little hot in it so I got a Mei Tai carrier so that I can just carry her while keeping my hands free when she is being fussy. I'm planning on making my first real trip with her by myself into the city tomorrow, and there is just no way I can lug the stroller up and down all those stairs in the subway for now (that will be easier later once she has head control and I don't need to use the infant seat). So in the carrier it shall be. It's a pretty long trip from Flushing so I hope that she doesn't hate me too much...

I actually left her for the first time yesterday - she stayed with C. while I went to the doctor's in Fort Greene. I was gone about 5 hours altogether, and they did great, Luna only started crying at the very end because apparently I hadn't pumped enough milk and she was getting hungry. I think I was more worse off than she was - I felt like I had lost a limb! I don't know what I am going to do when I have to go back to work, I am seriously wondering if I am going to be able to, and, in the end of it's going to be worth it. We can't afford childcare, and if I go back to work whatever I make is going to cover that anyway, and I don't want to leave her with anyone else for now. But at the same time it's a struggle with me not working. I guess this is the price you pay for living in NYC, and something that we have to start thinking seriously about very soon as we are coming up to the two month mark. Working from home would be the best option, only leaving when I know that C. can look after her...


In any case, I am planning on documenting every month with photos and videos until she's one year old - there may not be 400 photos in each month... But I can't promise that there won't be! I've never been so happy in my life and I just want to share this happiness <3 p="">

Photography: 41 weeks

The entire photo set can be found on Flickr HERE. I still can't figure out how to put a slideshow on Blogger.

I have so many stories to write and so many blog posts to catch up on, and, at some point over the next few weeks, I will get to them all, but in the meantime I am spending my time staring at my daughter in awe, taking photos of her, breastfeeding, trying to entertain her and then trying to get a few hours of sleep whenever I can. It's amazing, all of it, motherhood, being part of creating this wonderfully perfect little being, and still feels pretty surreal in all the reality of it.

From week 11 of my pregnancy, right through to just before I hit week 41 (and the reason there is no photo for that week will be explained when I write Luna's birth story) I took a photo of my growing baby bump. It makes me laugh now to think that back in the weeks 13 and 15 and 16 I really thought that I was HUGE and that everyone could tell I was pregnant. Looking back at the photos, it wasn't until I was in the 20th week that you could really start telling if you didn't know me.

Once I hit the third trimester I knew I was going to get big, but it wasn't until I got to week 38 that I actually started feeling uncomfortable... I still roll out of bed like I had to in those weeks, forgetting that I don't need to do that anymore! It's kind of crazy to think that my daughter actually fit inside my belly only 3 weeks ago, and was comfortable there... I can't imagine being curled up like that and not being able to stretch out!

Ramblings: Setting up a new home and those last few weeks

Ah it has all been a bit of a whirlwind these past few weeks, and I have been getting so tired that between work, the commute and trying to make our new apartment into a real home before the baby gets here I haven't had a moment to really write anything down. Although there is a lot to be said... I feel like so much has happened and I need to record it now before I forget due to baby brain, or have even less time on my hands! I know full well that the moment the baby gets here I will hardly have time to sleep let alone anything else!

Between the endless (or what seems to be that way) snowstorms and icy winter days and nights we managed to move a lot of our belongings from the old apartment on Troutman St in Brookyn to the new place in Flushing at the beginning of February. Our moving truck man got stuck in the slushy snow pile outside the building, and tried to put Joey Ramone the howling cat in the back with the furniture, but we managed to make it to our new home without breakages or damages. And what a home! It's big, airy, bright and so quiet. I slept so well the first night and woke up to the sounds of birds singing, not to the sounds of the endless construction on the streets of Bushwick. There were still quite a few of my belongings left in the old place, but my mum and wonderful best friend went to pick it all up for me last week so I didn't have to deal with it. I just don't know if I could have faced any more moving at that point.

Setting up home has been so much fun, apart from the fact that every time we save some money, we end up spending on very important things... Necessary things of course, but the money part is beginning to worry me, as we have 4 weeks left until the baby gets here... I know deep down everything will be fine, but I am taking 2 months off, and am not used to not making my own money and not being financially independent! All for a very, very good cause though, as I will be busy looking after our little Munchie and giving her the best start in life that we can give her. Buying a new couch was the most fun part, turning up at Bob's Furniture and walking around trying all types of different couches, and looking at sectionals as we have the space for one. We ended up going for a lovely coffee coloured one with large pillows and enough room for us to both lie down on it and watch TV on our brand new 42 inch HDTV... Which we ended up getting at a super discount price because someone had messed up on the pricing at Best Buy... There are still boxes and boxes that need to be emptied or put away, but there is no real rush with this. I've been doing one or two a night, and trying to imagine how I would like our home to look like when it is all done. I feel like we are finally really making a home for our family, a place that is ours and no one else's!

I'm still working 40 hours a week, and C. is still at his 60 plus hours, and it's been a little strange for us both as I am now working day times and he is still working the usual night time hours. We are going to have to make real efforts to spend enough time together on this schedule as I spent a lot of the first week feeling a bit thrown off and missing him, even though we live together and work on the same premises. I know he did too. Thankfully we both have Wednesdays off together still and these have become even more important than before. We have been trying to explore our new neighbourhood (we already have found "our" deli and "our" diner), looking for places to eat and shop and hang out. It's been a little difficult with the weather that has limited my movements a lot (on top of the fact that I get tired fast when I am walking now, as Munchie is really growing fast). I love how multicultural the neighbourhood is, how there is a church that has service in 5 different languages on Sundays, that it feels like it's still NYC, but a little quieter and more relaxed than where I lived in Brooklyn before. Then again, I wasn't too happy when I had to get the shuttle bus instead of the subway last week and people kept pushing me, despite the fact that I have a very obvious baby bump. I'm sorry to anyone who got my elbow in their face, but being pushed and squashed makes me do those type of things!

I don't really want to get started on the whole getting up and giving your seat to a disabled, elderly or pregnant person on the subway, but I do want to mention it. I was brought up in countries where this was a normal thing to do. You don't look up, look at a person and look down again, without getting up from your seat. Yes, maybe I chose to be pregnant and ride the subway, but standing up for long periods of time in a crowded subway at this point in my pregnancy actually makes me feel light-headed and faint, and easily able to lose my balance. In any case, it's always other women who give me their seat, never has a man offered his seat, not even when I am standing right above them. I'm not the type to ask for a seat, nor am I going to glare at you angrily to make you feel bad, but people need to be a little more aware. It's quite sad really! The best moment for me was the time I asked a woman to move her bag so I could sit down and was looked at as if I were some kind of cockroach trying to crawl into her personal space. Of course I didn't feel bad ha!

 My amazing mother came out for a week to help us with everything and to participate in the baby shower that my lovely best friend threw for me. It was really perfect, as I really don't like being the centre of attention, but she made it into a lovely tea party at the Kings' Carriage House where people I love joined me to celebrate the impending arrival of my little girl. Everyone has been so generous and it is really helping us get ready for having a baby in our home. I have the best people in my life, and I hope I am the same type of friend to them as they are to me. Mum took some wonderful photos of the afternoon that display how lovely (and pink) it really was. You can see them HERE

So this is it really... Four weeks left (give or take a few depending on when she decides its time to come out), and I am hovering between stages of feeling elated and intensely nervous. Not about the actual birth which still feels like something surreal that is going to happen but that I have no idea how, but more about afterwards. Am I going to be able to breastfeed easily? Is everything going to be OK? Will I be a good mother?!? Will my baby be happy and healthy?

In the meantime I shall continue to feel content and to breathe through all the mini moments of panic, and just know that everything WILL be OK. Both C and I are happy and healthy and are prepared to do anything to make sure our child is happy and healthy too. And I really really really can't wait to finally meet her outside of the womb, and talk to her little face and tell her how she spent the last month inside me kicking my ribs and making me laugh.

This continues to be the most amazing journey of my life.

For more of my mother, Alison Toon's photos from her recent stay here and more check out her website here: Alison Toon

Photography: Liberty State Park

Because it's Autumn, my real favourite season (I sometimes pretend Summer is, but Autumn really wins every time), and because I love going on long walks in new places, taking lots of photos, I'm determined to do this as much as possible until I won't be able to do it as much anymore. Who knows where I will be next year (although I have a pretty good idea of what I will actually be doing!), so I may as well do as much of it as I can right now. That and other outings like going out to dinner and the movies, things that I may not have too much of a chance to do much next year...

 
This week Cesar and I went out to Jersey City to visit Checho, and walked all around Liberty State Park, picnicking in the park, right across from the Statue of Liberty, watching the crazy clouds cross the sky, aiming to disperse and then failing and falling back into grey doom again. My favourite kind of weather, ominous and windy, with a hint of hope. I will never fail to admire the Manhattan skyline, even after over 8 years of living in this city. From wherever you are it always looks amazing, a mix of old and new with constant additions. I always wonder how many more skyscrapers will fit on the small island... I've heard news that in the next few years very tall buildings will line 57th street, right below Central Park, buildings that will rival the height of One World Trade Center, the building which now makes the Empire State building look tiny in comparison. I suppose that as long as there are pockets of land available there will be room for building up. And up.


In any case, it was a wonderful day, amongst people I love, with beautiful views. This city still has so much to share with me, which makes it all the more such an amazing place to live in.
You can see the full set of photos HERE

Liberty State Park, a set on Flickr.