It still feels like a dream. Even now, while I am heading
into my 27th week, and starting to feel those little kicks on a
regular basis. It still feels like a dream, an amazing, wonderful dream; a
dream that I am going to be a mother in just a few more months. That we have
created this little girl who is growing inside of me and who I am going to love
and be responsible for for the rest of my life and beyond that. How incredible
is all of this? And yes, I know that millions and millions of women have done the
same thing since the beginning of time, but it’s all such a new and wonderful
feeling that I can’t get enough of it. Every day I wake up knowing that I am
carrying the being that I will love more than anything I have ever loved in my
life, and that I am responsible for bringing her into this world and making
sure she is as healthy and happy as possible. Everything else seems just so
ephemeral, but this is real, however much it may feel like a dream.
I feel like I am lucky as I am having a relatively good
pregnancy – although I don’t really have anything to compare it to, so I am
just assuming that it is. I’m still working 55-60 hours a week, maybe a little
bit slower and clumsier than before, but I’m still able to do it. Yes, I get
aching feet and my ankles sometimes double in size, but it’s nothing physically
crippling. The back ache that I get on the cold days when I have been standing
for too long is definitely annoying and the days when I get the
indigestion/backache/feet ache/headache/tummy ache all combined together are
the worst, but I’m mainly at the healthiest I’ve ever been in my life. That
might come from the fact that for the past 6 months I have been thinking that
one glass of water is the equivalent of a pint of water and I have been trying
to down 8 of them a day. I only learnt last week that one glass is the
equivalent of 8 fl oz, and therefore half of a small bottle of water. Not
feeling as much of a water drinking failure anymore!
I think for me the worst symptom of all is one that I just
cannot manage, and one that I have had from the moment I got pregnant: the
tears. I literally can cry at the drop of the hat and there is no stopping it
whatsoever. Something makes me angry: I burst into tears. Something makes me
sad: I burst into tears. Something makes me happy: I burst into tears. That
cute little doggie that needs a home? I cry. Don’t even get me started on
reports of starving children, bombs and civil wars… I don’t mind crying, it’s a
good release and it helps get rid of some pent up emotions. But it’s really, really
annoying when you are trying to manage a restaurant and the basement starts
leaking at 2am when you are about to go home and instead of formulating a plan
of action to make sure it doesn’t flood the basement all you can do is burst
into tears. Or when someone annoys you and you try to explain to them in a
decent manner why they are wrong, but all you can do is lock yourself in the
bathroom and hope that ice cold water will make the redness in your eyes
disappear so that you don’t appear to be some kind of pregnant maniac who can’t
keep her emotions at bay.
Or you just go with it and just hope that being pregnant
will give you some kind of VIP pass to be able to cry in public without anyone
batting an eyelid. I mean there are much worse things that I could do in public
in my condition apparently, things that I may experience once the baby is
bigger and heavier…
Talking about being big… One thing that has been bothering me
is the weight gain. Actually lets reword that, the weight gain itself isn’t
really bothering me at all, it’s on par with the course and I expected it. It’s
the talk about weight gain that bothers me. I never expected to be one of those women who
only gain a few pounds with a large tummy and stick-like limbs. I know what the
other women in my family looked like pregnant, and I also know that they
naturally went back to their pre-pregnancy weight afterwards. I also know that
doctors recommend a weight gain of 25-35 pounds on average while pregnant. And
I also know that they monitor your weight gain every time you go to the doctor
and talk to you about it. Yes, I am eating more than I did before I was
pregnant. But yes, I was on the low end of what is considered normal for my
height and build. Yes, I am eating healthy, with some exceptions, but I
naturally crave veggies and healthy carbs and protein. I do eat chocolate and
crisps and cheese, but I don’t eat more than I did before I was pregnant. I don’t
drink soda or anything other than water, tea and the occasional fruit juice.
And no, I am not going to cut down! I’m enjoying food! Although nowadays I have
to start eating smaller portions as I feel like my stomach is beginning to get
slightly squished… Actually, as a piece of advice to anyone: don’t look at a
picture of what your insides look like at the end of the second trimester… Who
would have thought that your stomach would start getting squished into your
lungs?! Then again where on earth did I think all my organs were going to go?!
So yes, I have gained quite a bit of weight, and yes, I will be going over the
high end of the recommended average. But I am still on the slim side… Apart
from the belly which is growing very, very fast now.
This brings me to the next subject: people and their words.
In normal circumstances one would never tell anyone else that they are “huge”
or “enormous”, would they? So what makes it OK to tell a pregnant woman these
things? Weight gain is always going to be a sensitive issue for women, so
telling anyone, especially a pregnant woman who is probably hiding her feelings
about her weight gain, that she is enormous, is never an acceptable thing to
do! Just like the woman who asked me if I was having twins and if I was sure I
wasn’t… Yes, lady, I am very sure I am having one child. Everyone is different,
some people show fast, some don’t show for months, in the end the most
important part is that we are healthy and doing our best to ensure that our
babies are growing correctly and in a healthy manner. And yes, I am going to
have fries with that because they are absolutely delicious and I don’t feel
like restricting myself! I really hope that I was never one of those people who
mentioned the words “huge” or “enormous” inadvertently to a pregnant woman in
the past, because if I did I apologise profusely!
I have a feeling that these next 3 months are going to fly
by, as my movements get slower, time is just going to get faster. There is so
much to prepare for, and so many things that I still need to learn and I know
that there is not enough time left to do it all. That’s all right, I am sure that
I will learn as I go, as will C. There is only so much you can prepare for, and
the rest is just going to happen anyway. I’m so excited about it all (and I
little scared too, I don’t think there is anything wrong with admitting that),
and wondering if this will still feel like a dream when the belly gets even
bigger and the kicks harder. Those little kicks are pretty amazing too, and I
am so glad that I am feeling them all the time now – I was getting a little
worried that I wasn’t feeling enough movement. All I needed was to voice my
concerns to the doctor last week and little Munchie decided it was time to step
up her movements in the womb. I guess it’s true what they say about the baby
being able to hear now!
2014 is going to be such an amazing year.
No comments:
Post a Comment