Of sunshine and sleep

I love weekends. Especially weekends where I wake up at 8am and see that the sun is shining and I have a WHOLE day all to myself to do whatever I like. Don't get me wrong I still like getting in at 5am on Saturday morning and sleeping all day in order to be well enough to party all Sunday night - but it's refreshing to break the routine up a little.
Just because I have been at my mum's house in on Long Island for two weekends in a row does not mean I am running away. It just means I am tired and need time out. Not including the fact that I actually enjoy hanging out with my mum! I woke up at 8:30 this morning, completely rested, had breakfast, took Fury for a walk, went thrift shopping (the elusive 1940's dress is still to be found), went regular shopping, came home, started setting up my new blog, watched The Story of Metal on VH1 Classic and read more of The Dirt. Plans for tonight: get some food and a movie and stay in, cuddling with Fury and Muffin. Out of the cold. Smoking cigarettes on the deck overlooking the bay and just taking in the view of the stars (and maybe the moon if it decides to appear).
I will be back in the city tomorrow morning, refreshed and this time not looking to stay out all night. Last Sunday night was a blast but I am a little tired of everything and feel like staying away. I will be having a late lunch with Larry so we can catch up on the past week and then dinner with Tracy and Nuutti at Tracy's. Can't wait to see them and hear Nuutti's new music, I feel like we haven't all spent time together for way too long.

I wish I could consolidate this blog with my old LJ. I don't update on LJ at all anymore but there are over 3 years of posts on there. I wish I could just print them out as I love keeping hard copies of things. I hoard all of my writing, even those poems written on napkins in bars and restaurants. I need to start being more focused and DOING something with this. FOCUS!!!!! Motivation. It's not lacking, I just need to work on it. This new blog is going to be the gateway to bigger and better things. I figured that I go out often enough, know the best bands, venues and parties in Manhattan, so why not share them with everyone else?! There are bands that are so awesome but that don't get the exposure they deserve - I am going to help change that.

Ok off to Blockbuster to get We Own The Night abd Gone Baby Gone. I also just downloaded the Cradle Of Filth cover of Shakespeare's Sister's "Stay" so I am going to go smoke a cig and listen to it.

Mwah x.

Time Out

One week down, and one real night out with only soda and cran. I made it through sitting at my two usual bars, on probably the most annoying night of the year (ie fratboy central, or Dec 27th). All of my friends are really supportive, except for one person who started making an obsession out of it. "Why aren't you drinking?" "Why are you sitting at a bar and drinking WATER?!". Um, because I WANT to?! To cut a long story short all I have to say is, yes I will not be getting black out drunk and going home with you tonight. Or ever again! Because you just proved to me that your maturity level is way lower than I even dared to think it was. Out of my life. NOW!!!!! Sobriety is a good way to weed out all those non-friends from your life. I must say that this week Tracy and Harry showed me even more than usual how good a friends they are to me. I love them.

I'm at my mum's with Beth until tomorrow. I just went to the mall with Karli - two hours was enough for me, especially when some Disney radio show started its broadcast. I'm a city girl through and through, but I love the fact that my mum lives right by the ocean, with phenomenal views and complete peace and quiet. A gorgeous house surrounded by water, stars at night, and wildlife. Named "Rehab Central" by my mum :)

I'm putting Operation H (Rockstar 2) into effect. Something dawned on my cloudless mind this week. No more men who use me like trash, or who just don't appreciate me the way I should be, or need to be. So I shall be single until someone who meets H's potential comes along. I just don't want to even think about H himself cos I just wouldn't dare to believe that could happen.

Of sobriety and gingerbread lattes

After an eventful night on Sunday when once again I woke up at home not remembering a thing from the past 6 hours, accumulated with the fact that once again I felt terrible and the fact that Tracy told me that people were beginning to worry about me and that when I blacked out I wasn't Jade anymore I decided to stop drinking for a while.
Nothing. Certainly NO vodka. But also no wine or beer or ANYTHING. Something flipped in the past few months - I have blacked out 4/5 times I have been drinking and I have been LUCKY I have people around me who care about me. I don't really care if I have made a fool of myself, I just care about the fact that I have made people WORRY about me. The way I used to worry about some of my friends. The way I promised myself I would never ever ever get.

So, sobriety. It's not even daunting - actually exciting. There are so many things I have neglected in the last 6 months that I am prepared to get back into again. My writing for one. Reading is another. All those plans I have been thinking about but never acting upon. I don't want to stop going out, but will go out sober. My friends are all with me which is a great feeling. And those of you who prefer blacked-out drunk Jade... Well you didn't really know me at all anyway.

I had a wonderful Christmas at Mum's. I got so spoilt with a ton of things that I can use and that I have wanted/needed for ages. I ate so much and rested and thought about a lot of things. I love my family so much. I just wish Dylan could have been there.

I just had my first gingerbread latte of the year - and probably my last. I can't afford much at the moment!

xxxxx